When you need to take a beat

I don’t like to spread negative energy so I have noted that my writing becomes sparse when I just ain’t feeling it. But perhaps feigning “no negativity here” is just another way of bullshitting oneself and others, so why hold back?

It’s been a day. I started a new job last month (more to come on that at a later date) which, in my continued effort at making myself uncomfortable, has been very successful in doing so. I’m so uncomfortable that making it through a shift without tearing up is cause for celebration. I’m a beginner again. A 52 year old beginner doing exactly what I’ve been life-coaching others to do for years: “get out of your box!” So here I am, doing just that and understanding exactly why the universe encouraged me to do so. I said I understand it. I didn’t say I liked it, wanted it or welcomed it, but I do understand it. And that’s why I listened and obeyed. You’ve got to walk the walk to talk the talk and an unwillingness to do so goes against everything I believe. So here I am. But today I am tired. I’m tired of waking up to news of mass shootings and the divided hostile disagreements about gun control that flow in their wake and going to sleep with “news” that’s not actually news at all due to the unreliability of the many outlets we now receive our “news” from. How horrible to be the close family members of Tom Petty (whom I happen to love, which is neither here nor there, but I just wanted to state it for the record) hearing the premature “news” of his death. Something like that should be unfathomable. But it’s not. That’s just the world and how it spins.

One of the challenges of being more in touch with the spiritual world than you are with the physical realm is the tendency to want to bolt from it. So taking a beat is often necessary. I get outside, in the tub, or lose myself in a good book. Then I go to sleep with the hope that there’ll be new brightness in the morning.  Sometimes life here is sad. But it’ll be okay. It will always be okay. So go get some sleep. Tomorrow is a new day.

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