What if I told you that there was a space you could visit that would accelerate your weight loss journey? And what if, by merely choosing to sit in this space whenever it availed itself to you, you were not only assisted in your weight loss efforts, but additionally, were led to discontinue habits and behaviors that disempowered you while employing habits and behaviors that served you? Good news: this space actually exists! The not-so-good news: upon finding out where this space exists, most people refuse to sit in it. I call it The Space of Want.
The Space of Want (SOW) is the area that lies between you and the “thing” you want in a particular moment in time. The thing will change frequently, as will the level of “want” you’re experiencing, but the SOW will remain in its constant state- allowing you to access and sit in it, experiencing a mindful time-out capable of giving you insight into SELF while you determine if and how you will satisfy your desire for your want, should you choose to employ it. Which sounds simple, right? Of course it is! But as we’ve pointed out countless times in other posts: simple is rarely easy. Essentially meaning: we know what we need to do- we just don’t know how to make ourselves do it. Or, as Axl Heck so wisely put it: “I con’t. That means I can, but I won’t.” Think about that one for a moment and ask yourself honestly: how often do you con’t?
If changing your life in any way, shape, or form has seemed impossible thus far, there is a good chance you’ve unconsciously decided you CON’T go without what you “want”. If this is the case, I ask that you reconsider by once again, deconstructing your conditioned thinking. As you may have noted by now, thought deconstruct (a component of empowered mindfuckery– a topic we will cover more specifically in future posts) is an essential mechanism in bringing about change. Visualize your thinking as a vehicle. The direction that vehicle took brought you to a certain location. If you want to change that location then you must reroute the vehicle by revising your thoughts. Alter the thinking that will deconstruct the belief that not getting what you want is to go “without” and instead understand that sitting in the SOW without giving in to it immediately, allows you to assess what you want MOST and turn your focus to getting it. This essentially allows you to ask and answer this question: “Am I willing to forgo what I want NOW for what I want MOST?”
I first learned to make a habit of sitting in the Space of Want when I decided to go alcohol free nearly 3 years ago. Before that time, I wouldn’t have considered myself an alcoholic, but I definitely abused alcohol. Until I gave it up, I had no idea how deeply entangled it was in every facet of my life, allowing me to escape or fast-forward through moments I didn’t care to participate in. Only by sitting in the SOW, longing for that beer or drink (or just something to Please God, ANYTHING to take the fucking edge off!! sometimes with my head between my knees, focusing on breathing through while tears streamed out of my eyes) could I identify that what I truly WANTED when I wanted to “take the edge off”, was to escape. I didn’t want to be a fully present, “feeling” participant for that particular place/space/person at that moment. In acknowledging this, I could then break it down to identify what I wanted MOST: Clarity. With clarity I could dig deep into my own healing, identify what I was trying to escape from to work toward my self-knowing and become solid. And by solid I mean living a life where I consistently had the tools to decipher between what I wanted now vs. what I wanted most and routinely make choices that reflected the latter. I could assess my choices in this particular scenario by asking, “Lisa, which would you like most: to escape and continue to live a life in which you require escape, or to take another possibly painful but inevitably empowered microstep forward into changing things in your life that remain unchanged every time you bolt?” And then the clincher question: if not now, WHEN?
The SOW is an area made available for those who have reached the realm of awareness that understands discomfort is a necessary component of growth and are willing to seek it in order to bring about change. Now that you know what the SOW is, take this time to consider utilizing it. Though it is a space you must sit in by yourself, there are resources and tools that afford you additional strength while doing so, and we will cover these and a how-to in our next post.