I’ve taken to repeating the mantra, “I require NOTHING!” Okay, full disclosure: sometimes I need to shout it so that it really sinks into my being during those weak moments when old habits have me believing I just really “want” something from someone else. I realize there are 5 basic survival needs that we all require (air, water, food, shelter, and sleep) but I’m referring to the things we’ve been conditioned to believe we require that we don’t. Well, I don’t anyway. At least, I train myself in understanding that I don’t- hence the mantra. What you decide you require will be, like everything else, up to you.
We live in a world of constant inter-connectedness. In the spiritual sense of that, I couldn’t be more pleased. We’re all connected! You and me, my lovely brothers and sisters in Spirit! However, as an empath, the physical realm side of being in constant connection has required that I adopt new thought processing and alternate behaviors as opposed to the ones I came by naturally in order to navigate my world effectively. If it sounds like I’m some sort of lab experiment, YES, that’s exactly what I am to myself. I’m on a self-knowing journey and one of my missions is to figure out how to survive and thrive in the most empowered manner possible. For me, I’ve discovered that this requires constant educating, self-coaching, and a significant amount of experimenting in order to eventually arrive at effective learned behaviors I have peace with. Setting borders and boundaries, for example. Not only did I not set them in the past, I wasn’t even aware of what they were! I spent my younger years in relationships, including the first 20 years of my now 30 year marriage, never having a sense of where the other person ended and I began; energetically entwined and uneducated as to how to “detach”(typical to empaths), to the point of suffocating my own being. But this was all I knew. Until I learned differently and began coaching myself in being whole and learning how to connect with others without immersing myself completely in them- my natural inclination when left to my own devices, which is why I know better than to leave myself to my own devices! This basically means that my former practice of getting caught up in the intoxicating moment of the person, place, or situation and allowing it to fly me by the seat of my pants with my fingers crossed, hoping things ended well, was replaced with strategies for thinking my thoughts on purpose, slowing down and being mindful of my actions, leading me to the awareness that I require nothing– except that which I need give to myself. I don’t kid myself that I have mastered this, only that I’m aware of and continue to train in it.
I have come to the conclusion, after years of believing otherwise, that it’s not my place to require anything of you, be it a text reply, a social media “like”, a return call, an explanation, a desired behavior, a specific amount of your time and attention, etc… or any of the other “requirements” we unconsciously, yet somewhat self-righteously place on others. Does this seem backward to you? After all, isn’t not requiring things from others a sure way to be disrespected and treated like a doormat? Surprisingly, it’s exactly the opposite. By not requiring a certain action on your part, I am giving freely with no expectation of return. Giving to give- not to “get back”. This allows me the freedom to stand in my place of truth regarding my true intentions and to assert my own personality without attempting to rob you of yours. Being disrespected or treated as a doormat are merely fear-based concerns in that these issues are negated by the ability to take complete responsibility for my own requirements. I need not require anything of you because I choose to require of myself, learning to give myself what I need while letting go of anything that interferes with my ability to do so. In other words, I’ve learned to distinguish who/where/how my energy receives replenishment as opposed to who/where/how it remains in a constant state of depletion, and redirect it accordingly. That’s a requirement. And it’s on me.