Ironically, Valentine’s Day is by far my most disdained holiday and yet I’m almost always inclined to post about it. I take that back. It’s actually not ironic at all that a solution seeking person such as myself is all up in this business of Valentine’s Day, poking and prodding, eyeballing it from this angle to that, trying to figure out a way to turn it upside down on its ass and shine a light on it so bright that everybody can identify it for the imposter it is. Wait, what? You weren’t aware that Valentine’s Day was falsifying its true identity? You mean, all those elementary school years of exchanging heart shaped cards and pastel colored mini-heart conversation candies did their business on you and you buckled to belief? Or was it the high-school valentine carnations sales that left you feeling either elated or like the loneliest person on Earth? Might it have been all the hyped up TV, magazine, radio, and social media buzz of what “everyone” was planning on doing, giving, or attending on this BIG day that made it appear real? That’s right, I said appear. As in, per dictionary.com “give the impression of being”? Well, I’m sorry to be the one to point this out to you, but you’ve been duped. In fact, I’ll go so far as to say that we’ve all been brainwashed and conditioned to believe that Valentine’s Day is about love. And in the same way I refuse to believe I’d have been able to sit and cheer with the crowd for clothes that I could clearly see the emperor was not wearing, I find it unbearable going along with the ruse of Valentine’s Day being anything more than the commercialized event that it is, so I must stand and shout: Valentine’s Day has nothing to do with love!
Now, don’t get me wrong- I enjoy a celebration as much as the next guy. What I don’t enjoy is a celebration based on a lie that comes at the expense of others- the others in this scenario meaning anybody who is left feeling lesser than in any way, shape, or form because they have failed to manifest a Valentine into their life. Or perhaps they have a romantic relationship going on in their life, but Valentine’s Day has caused them to question its nature on one or more levels based on factors such as how their Valentine’s Day was celebrated or what kind of gift was given and how they measured up in comparison to what others received. In other words: the world has made a decision on what love (in the form of a mythical holiday) “should” look like and if what you’ve got going on doesn’t resemble that, then it’s wrong. But it’s not wrong to cook up a fake day, place a label of “love” on it, and fill minds with preconceived expectations that would be nearly impossible to reach?
In being a festive person, I spent a good portion of my life wondering what was wrong with me that I was so conflicted regarding Valentine’s Day, and I tried every means to embrace it. But we were not cohesive from the get-go and in my younger years I actually was broken up with ON Valentine’s Day by 3 different guys, in 3 completely different situations. In time I would come to understand that even though I was the one who got broken up with, I actually instigated each of the break-ups and the fact that they occured on a “day of celebrating love” was no coincidence. In my heart I knew Valentine’s Day was fake. And yet, I used this “symbolic and important day” looking for something demonstrative from each of them- a gift, a feeling, supportive words- something that would “prove” to me that there was more there than what I knew actually was. I wanted something that they could not give me. I would have said at the time in regards to their “Valentine offerings” that they were mailing it in and for reasons that were their own, that was accurate. I saw that, sensed their waning interest in me and pushed for the break-up. Never wanting to be the bastard in the scenario, I turned it around so the breakup seemed like it was their idea. And while it was what they wanted, I was simply made aware of it before they were. Yeah, I’m tricky like that 😉 But that’s a discussion for another day.
So what’s the solution here? What’s the “secret” to not allowing a fake holiday like Valentine’s Day or any other materialistic measure of self-worth lead you into feelings of being lesser-than? Though I refer to it as the 5 Word Secret and you have heard me speak of it repeatedly, it’s not actually a secret and it’s simple! GIVE YOURSELF WHAT YOU NEED. While simple, like all soul stamina training, it’s not easy. Any time we feel lesser-than for any reason, it means we’re not practicing it. And that is the workout. Identifying that anything you are feeling frustration or anger about another person “not giving you” is in actuality something that needs to come from your own being that you need to decipher and create for yourself. Love is not something you’re meant to be looking to “get” from others, but instead something you already ARE, and you are responsible for maintaining its sustenance. The goal is to get it flowing so fully and plentifully from within that it freely overflows to all you encounter on your journey. No candy, flowers, or paper hearts required.