{"id":10157,"date":"2025-01-07T15:01:47","date_gmt":"2025-01-07T20:01:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/laholmberg.com\/?p=10157"},"modified":"2026-04-21T08:10:50","modified_gmt":"2026-04-21T12:10:50","slug":"dont-know-great","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/laholmberg.com\/?p=10157","title":{"rendered":"Don’t “know”? Great!"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

The power in acknowledging and then openly admitting<\/strong>!\ud83d\ude2f boldly and unapologetically<\/em>, that I DON’T KNOW<\/strong> was first revealed to me many years back by Joyce Meyer<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At that time I was utterly gobsmacked by the suggestion that I didn’t need<\/em><\/strong> to know, because I’d previously been led to believe<\/em> that my survival <\/em>depended on it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

As I wrote in a previous post <\/a>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“most of us have been conditioned to know<\/strong>, and when we didn\u2019t, we learned very quickly not to make it known that we didn\u2019t know. Or we\u2019d play along like we did know, only to convince ourselves that we actually knew what we certainly did not know but had been faking for so long that we were no longer aware that we were faking and now believed we DID know.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dysfunctional survival tactics and mistaken beliefs courtesy of my upbringing<\/a>, which I am acknowledging rather than sonofabitching. Not that I’ve never<\/strong> sonofabitched it, it is part of the healing process after all, but eventually I chose not to disempower my current self further by clinging indefinitely to the losses by focusing on the gains.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I would eventually come to the realization that an expectation for anyone to obtain and teach skills that are essentially non-existent<\/em> in their particular realm of awareness<\/em> is a senseless waste of my energy, so I gradually<\/em> moved on, recognizing that they did the best they could with the information they had at that time, oblivious to their emotional immaturity, just as I was to mine. \ud83d\ude34<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Until I wasn’t. \ud83d\udc41<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My work began there and continues. In perpetuity. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Obviously there are things I would have perceived and handled differently if I’d had the knowledge and tools at the time to do so, especially as a parent, but I didn’t yet possess them. I choose to believe the same regarding my parents and am hopeful that my children will extend me that same grace.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In her thought-provoking new book The Let Them Theory<\/a> (I highly recommend<\/em>) Mel Robbins (who posits that she is the reason all 3 of her children require therapy) sums it up beautifully when speaking about the inability of adults to process their emotions in a healthy way:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“So I just assume that most adults have never learned how to process their emotions in a healthy way, because no one\u2019s parents knew how to do this either, and if yours did, then you are one lucky person. A child cannot learn how to do this on their own. Like I said earlier, it\u2019s a skill that takes time, practice, and a desire to learn.” -Mel Robbins<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And while she’s speaking of processing emotions<\/em> in that paragraph, the same can be said for any facet <\/strong>of your upbringing that didn’t provide you with skills that could be serving you solidly now if you had received them then.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But you didn’t. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oh well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not your fault.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Still your problem.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

YOUR responsibility.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wait a sec- did I just veer off course again? I’ll circle back to the main point: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Not knowing is not a deficit. It’s an open-ended opportunity for learning.<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

3 items that I read this morning: <\/p>\n\n\n\n