{"id":3534,"date":"2017-02-13T10:15:21","date_gmt":"2017-02-13T15:15:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/laholmberg.com\/?p=3534"},"modified":"2025-02-28T09:17:32","modified_gmt":"2025-02-28T14:17:32","slug":"my-elusive-valentine","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/laholmberg.com\/?p=3534","title":{"rendered":"My Elusive Valentine"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The search for my elusive valentine began when I was 14 years old.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I&#8217;m not counting the competition that lingered\u00a0wordlessly between me and the other 9 year old girls\u00a0in Mrs. Anderson&#8217;s 3rd grade class as we breathlessly awaited the distribution of cards from the valentine box, ending the suspense. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Who would be the recipient of the\u00a0<em>special\u00a0<\/em>valentine card (<em>you know, that extra big card they used to put in the pack that was just\u00a0slightly different from the rest of them?)<\/em>\u00a0from the most popular boy in our class (Mr.X) Now, I chose not to use the term &#8220;hottest boy&#8221;, because A) this was the 1970&#8217;s and as far as I know, or at least knew at 9 years old, hot was a term used solely to describe temperature, and B) I would like to be clear\u00a0for those who may\u00a0not have the gift of long term recall,\u00a0what qualifications are required at\u00a0the innocent age of 9 to make a person become popular and okay, let&#8217;s toss it in-<em>hot.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">What were these qualifications that Mr.X possessed that had we girls vying for the coveted valentine card?\u00a0He was the best\u00a0Jacks\u00a0player in the class. I need to point out that he had the unfair advantage of having the largest hands in our group of players <em>(a fact I would never let him forget and would fight him on every time he won)<\/em> but this unfair game advantage was leveled by\u00a0the existence of his large feet,\u00a0which often spelled his ruin during hopscotch <em>(a fact he would never let me forget when I would win).<\/em> <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">He was the best player; a worthy adversary.\u00a0I longed to beat him. My young heart proclaimed: &#8220;This is love.&#8221;\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But let&#8217;s get on with the story. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">You&#8217;re probably hoping that I received the bigger, shinier, most special valentine so it pains me to have to reveal to you that it wasn&#8217;t me. Gulp. Valentine&#8217;s Day disappointment was just beginning&#8230;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I couldn&#8217;t have understood when I began dating at 14 the magnitude of unconscious desires I required of my future beloved. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>He was going to love me for what I was\u00a0<em><strong>(but make me feel better about WHAT that was, because I wasn&#8217;t quite &#8220;all there&#8221; for that task myself).<\/strong><\/em><strong><em>\u00a0<\/em><\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>He was going to generously give me everything I wanted\u00a0<em><strong>(but he would have to figure out what that was because fear kept me from naming it and claiming it for myself and self-generosity was not a practice I adhered to).<\/strong><\/em><strong><em>\u00a0<\/em><\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>He was going to build me up enough to make me believe I could do anything\u00a0<em><strong>(but I would be tearing myself down all the while).<\/strong><\/em><strong><em>\u00a0<\/em><\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>He was going to make me feel loved! Finally! This person was going to make all that was wrong inside of me right.\u00a0<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Now, just <strong>where was he<\/strong>? <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I grew to detest Valentine&#8217;s Day. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">In my younger years, I blamed it on the guys. After all, how many people do you know that get broken up with 3 times, by\u00a03 different\u00a0people,\u00a0<strong>ON\u00a0<\/strong>Valentine&#8217;s Day? I kid you not!\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">To my surprise,\u00a0I continued to hate Valentine\u2019s Day even once I was married. This puzzled me. I\u00a0<strong>had\u00a0<\/strong>a valentine didn&#8217;t I?\u00a0What was my problem? Or his?\u00a0I was missing something, wasn&#8217;t I? <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Why wasn&#8217;t I like the girls in those ads, receiving their flowers and chocolates and smiling smugly at the insurmountable supply of love and desire bestowed upon them? Why couldn&#8217;t he make me feel special like that? Why did I still feel unloved sometimes, no matter what he did? Why did I sometimes\u00a0feel that the gifts he brought were contrived and meaningless-given only out of a sense of Valentisimal duty? <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Over the years, we approached Valentine&#8217;s Day with a multitude of creative methods for weathering it and some went better than others, but one fact remained: try as he might, he couldn\u2019t give me what I was looking for. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Imagine that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">So, is that it then? Did I resign myself to the fact that there wasn\u2019t a valentine for me&nbsp;out there to make my Valentine&#8217;s Day, and EVERY day, the love-fest that I believed I deserved?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It took me many years to figure out, as I hope you&#8217;ll begin to as well, that my Valentine was there all along, waiting for my acknowledgment. She waited in the shadows for me to figure\u00a0out that my valentine was<em>\u00a0<strong>ME<\/strong><\/em>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">She stood by quietly during the periods where I neglected her insight, refused her encouragement, bemoaned her looks, and basically belittled her to the point of non-existence. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But one day when I felt like I&#8217;d looked <em>everywhere else for what I needed<\/em>,\u00a0I noticed her in there, waiting. She assured me that the reason I could not find all the things I&#8217;d been looking for in other people was because she was holding them for me. Like a gift that I&#8217;d refused to open, everything I&#8217;d been\u00a0selfishly expecting to come from others was wrapped up within me, waiting for me to have the courage to open it up and not only acknowledge what I found, but to learn to love it as well.\u00a0This would take time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Valentine&#8217;s Day may very well be one of those needless holidays of insignificance that the world tries to place an inordinate amount of importance on, convincing you that it&#8217;s about something that it&#8217;s not actually about at all,\u00a0but it no longer has any power to affect me in a negative way.\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Once we finally figure out that love is not something you&#8217;re seeking to\u00a0<strong><em>get<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0from some<em><strong>where<\/strong><\/em>\u00a0or some<strong><em>one<\/em>\u00a0<\/strong>or some<em><strong>thing<\/strong><\/em>, but rather, something you&#8217;re seeking to\u00a0<em><strong>become<\/strong><\/em><strong><em>\u00a0<\/em><\/strong>from <em>what you already have within<\/em>, you realize that you needn&#8217;t ever feel unloved again. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">You\u00a0<strong>are<\/strong>\u00a0love. Be<em><strong> your own <\/strong><\/em>valentine and you&#8217;ll find love<strong> <em>everywhere<\/em><\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The search for my elusive valentine began when I was 14 years old. I&#8217;m not counting the competition that lingered\u00a0wordlessly between me and the other 9 year old girls\u00a0in Mrs. Anderson&#8217;s 3rd grade class as we breathlessly awaited the distribution of cards from the valentine box, ending the suspense. Who would be the recipient of [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":111895055,"featured_media":10571,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_coblocks_attr":"","_coblocks_dimensions":"","_coblocks_responsive_height":"","_coblocks_accordion_ie_support":"","advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_seo_schema_type":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_wpcom_ai_launchpad_first_post":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":true},"categories":[91,19129],"tags":[401,4325,107,3785,2885,7383,4909,197,8154,133475,1096,3059,5719156,71618,13766],"class_list":["post-3534","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blogging","category-personal-development","tag-faith","tag-holidays","tag-inspiration","tag-love","tag-motivation","tag-pain","tag-psychology","tag-relationships","tag-romance","tag-self-actualization","tag-spirit","tag-understanding","tag-valentines-day-2","tag-valentines","tag-valentines-day"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/laholmberg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/love-isnt-something.png?fit=1080%2C1080&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p81q0n-V0","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":8744,"url":"https:\/\/laholmberg.com\/?p=8744","url_meta":{"origin":3534,"position":0},"title":"Be your valentine","author":"LA Holmberg","date":"","format":false,"excerpt":"Valentine's Day and me...what can I say? In trying to make sense of a multitude of feelings I've had regarding Valentine's Day over the years, I've said quite a bit about it. For those who share in the tendency toward overthinking things to death, asking too many questions (I don't\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Blogging&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Blogging","link":"https:\/\/laholmberg.com\/?cat=91"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/laholmberg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/valentines.png?fit=1080%2C1080&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/laholmberg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/valentines.png?fit=1080%2C1080&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/laholmberg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/valentines.png?fit=1080%2C1080&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/laholmberg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/valentines.png?fit=1080%2C1080&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/laholmberg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/valentines.png?fit=1080%2C1080&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":6302,"url":"https:\/\/laholmberg.com\/?p=6302","url_meta":{"origin":3534,"position":1},"title":"It&#8217;s Valentine&#8217;s time&#8230;again","author":"LA Holmberg","date":"","format":false,"excerpt":"There's no way I'd have been able to stand by silently and cheer with the crowd for clothes I could clearly see the emperor was not wearing. In that same vein, I refuse to acknowledge Valentine's Day as anything beyond a commercialized event. Let's call a spade a spade- the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Blogging&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Blogging","link":"https:\/\/laholmberg.com\/?cat=91"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/laholmberg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/02\/love-is-not-about-getting.png?fit=800%2C800&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/laholmberg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/02\/love-is-not-about-getting.png?fit=800%2C800&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/laholmberg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/02\/love-is-not-about-getting.png?fit=800%2C800&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/laholmberg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/02\/love-is-not-about-getting.png?fit=800%2C800&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":4388,"url":"https:\/\/laholmberg.com\/?p=4388","url_meta":{"origin":3534,"position":2},"title":"Love? Look to Forrest Gump","author":"LA Holmberg","date":"","format":false,"excerpt":"Valentine's Day- what a lot of misplaced heartache is going on in the world today due to this fictional holiday! Sure, it's a holiday in the sense that it's listed on the calendar, but come on- we're supposed to take it seriously as a representation of love? If this day\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Blogging&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Blogging","link":"https:\/\/laholmberg.com\/?cat=91"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/laholmberg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/forrest-and-jenny.jpg?fit=480%2C728&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":4382,"url":"https:\/\/laholmberg.com\/?p=4382","url_meta":{"origin":3534,"position":3},"title":"Discarding is the new collecting","author":"LA Holmberg","date":"","format":false,"excerpt":"I believe that getting rid of clutter is an act of empowerment. Mercilessly discarding, for disposal or donation, that which is taking up your space needlessly allows you a measure of control in your world. A taking of the reins, if you will. I've never liked knick-knacks, nor was I\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Blogging&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Blogging","link":"https:\/\/laholmberg.com\/?cat=91"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/laholmberg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/02\/when-in-doubt-throw-it-out.2.png?fit=940%2C788&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/laholmberg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/02\/when-in-doubt-throw-it-out.2.png?fit=940%2C788&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/laholmberg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/02\/when-in-doubt-throw-it-out.2.png?fit=940%2C788&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/laholmberg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/02\/when-in-doubt-throw-it-out.2.png?fit=940%2C788&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":9990,"url":"https:\/\/laholmberg.com\/?p=9990","url_meta":{"origin":3534,"position":4},"title":"Scared? Great!","author":"LA Holmberg","date":"","format":false,"excerpt":"The late, great Jim Morrison had a simple solution for dealing with fear: EXPOSURE. As a longtime fan of \u00a0The Doors, I've always admired Jim's poetic insights and personally found his eccentric nature fascinating, but benefitting from the wisdom in his words does not require being a fan of his\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Blogging&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Blogging","link":"https:\/\/laholmberg.com\/?cat=91"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/laholmberg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/11\/jim-m-fear.png?fit=1200%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/laholmberg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/11\/jim-m-fear.png?fit=1200%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/laholmberg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/11\/jim-m-fear.png?fit=1200%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/laholmberg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/11\/jim-m-fear.png?fit=1200%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/laholmberg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/11\/jim-m-fear.png?fit=1200%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":7672,"url":"https:\/\/laholmberg.com\/?p=7672","url_meta":{"origin":3534,"position":5},"title":"Spoon bending","author":"LA Holmberg","date":"","format":false,"excerpt":"The above quote reminded me of what Neo learned from spoon boy: \u201cDo not try and bend the spoon, that\u2019s impossible. Instead, only try to realize the truth\u2026 there is no spoon. Then you\u2019ll see that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.\u201d\u00a0 Steven C Hayes,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Blogging&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Blogging","link":"https:\/\/laholmberg.com\/?cat=91"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/laholmberg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/01\/we-are-paying-a-psychological-price-because-what-is-really-wrong-within-is-treating-life-as-a-problem-to-be-solved-rather-than-a-process-to-be-lived.-steven-c.-hayes.png?fit=1200%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/laholmberg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/01\/we-are-paying-a-psychological-price-because-what-is-really-wrong-within-is-treating-life-as-a-problem-to-be-solved-rather-than-a-process-to-be-lived.-steven-c.-hayes.png?fit=1200%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/laholmberg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/01\/we-are-paying-a-psychological-price-because-what-is-really-wrong-within-is-treating-life-as-a-problem-to-be-solved-rather-than-a-process-to-be-lived.-steven-c.-hayes.png?fit=1200%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/laholmberg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/01\/we-are-paying-a-psychological-price-because-what-is-really-wrong-within-is-treating-life-as-a-problem-to-be-solved-rather-than-a-process-to-be-lived.-steven-c.-hayes.png?fit=1200%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/laholmberg.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/01\/we-are-paying-a-psychological-price-because-what-is-really-wrong-within-is-treating-life-as-a-problem-to-be-solved-rather-than-a-process-to-be-lived.-steven-c.-hayes.png?fit=1200%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/laholmberg.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3534","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/laholmberg.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/laholmberg.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/laholmberg.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/111895055"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/laholmberg.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3534"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/laholmberg.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3534\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10573,"href":"https:\/\/laholmberg.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3534\/revisions\/10573"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/laholmberg.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/10571"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/laholmberg.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3534"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/laholmberg.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3534"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/laholmberg.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3534"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}