I have an imaginary husband.

This is a running joke of many people I grew up around. I stop short of using the word friends to indicate that while those who amuse themselves with this anecdote are certainly friends in the schoolmate historical sense of the word, we remain friends merely in the genuinely happy to see you when we run into each other but neither of us is going to go out of our way to make it happen sense.

In other words, we were friends during a time in our lives when being friends didn’t require a whole heluva lot of effort.

Nick sums it up best in his usual pragmatic manner:

…a long time ago we knew each other for a short period of time; you don’t know anything about me. It was easy back then. No one had a cushier berth than we did. It’s not surprising our friendship could survive that.” (paraphrased)

-The Big Chill

Were his buddies-from-college offended by this insight?

Of course.

Is he “wrong” in his assessment?

18 year old me viewing this movie for the first time would have argued vehemently against the current answer of the 59 year old me who has seen this movie too numerous times to count and now views it through a much larger life experience lens.

Nick is spot ON.

But he wouldn’t be “wrong” regardless of how I personally felt about his insight.

Because it’s his. It’s real to him based on the lens of his experience. So I accept and believe it in the sense that this is his truth regardless of how I interpret, understand or feel about what he’s saying, because he’s telling me who HE is– at least in that particular moment in his being, which is crucial to acknowledge because as human beings, we are NOT static in our being- we’re constantly and continuously subject to change.

Healing, evolving, and shedding all old “skin” necessary to allow new facets of ourselves to emerge on a continuous basis. Yet another reason against participating in cancel culture.

In other words, you never stay who you’ve become, but you’re continuously becoming who you ARE.

I just realized I’ve veered off and was reminded to (as a buddy of mine frequently prods) “Circle back, Lisa. Circle back.” I think they may have recognized, perhaps unconsciously, my wandering, as of yet undiagnosed, ADHD mind. And graciously rolled with it. 🙂

Though where I veered is integral to a future part of this story, we’ll put a pin in it for now and circle back to my imaginary husband…

Who’s completely real.

He’s a loving, gentle spirit and a true and decent human being who once had an extremely difficult time navigating large groups of people, especially people he didn’t know well.

Back in the day, we inadvertently interpreted this as being “shy”- a mannerism one was encouraged to overcome in order to realistically navigate life.

I’m not disputing that doing so might make one’s life “easier” at times- it’s just not the whole story.

So I attended many events solo. Hence the remarks about my “other half” (such a ridiculous terminology when you break it down and examine it) being a figment of my imagination.

To which I would laughingly say, “You were at our wedding reception for pissake- you know he’s real!”

But all joking aside, it became crystal clear to me over time that when it came to other people and their romantic relationships, my husband and I were different than other couples.

Not better, not worse, just different.

But that revelation would only come in time.

With determined effort.

And that is where this post ends.

Because the next story (to be shared in future posts) is truly where everything begins.