we are merely players, performers and portrayers. Each another’s audience outside the gilded cage.” Limelight lyrics by Alan Parsons, Eric Norman Woolfson sung by Rush

I’m an actor.

Before you get the wrong idea, I haven’t actually been paid for my acting, and far be it from the world to consider anything the real deal unless we are being monetarily compensated as proof of said label, but once again, let me buck convention and do that very thing.

In fact, I’ll shout it: I AM AN ACTOR!!  😁

I say this because I don’t believe there’s been a time in my life where there wasn’t at least some small measure of acting involved in my day. I consider it a tremendous coping mechanism for navigating the murky waters of life in this realm.

Claiming to be an actor not the same thing as being a fake or a liar. 

Not that I’ve never lied (because I have) and never faked (because I have) but never orgasm because how self-defeating would that be? Not that I couldn’t have faked if the situation warranted- after all, I’ve just spent the last 30 seconds convincing you I’m an actor, but

I became especially resistant to lying and faking upon enlightenment that to indulge in either compromised many facets of life, since the very thing I was tempted to lie or fake about was a sign of a bigger issue attempting to show itself to me.

And as we’ve noted before and will most likely note perpetually, it’s one thing not to know what you don’t know, but quite another to know what you know and pretend you don’t know it. Though you may be able to convince others of your faked ignorance, you can’t fake it to yourself. 

Although, if you are anything like me, you may make several attempts before you finally give it up for good. 😉

I utilize my acting skills not to deceive others, but to empower myself.

“Acting” the part allows conviction of competence in maintaining self-control that I didn’t always believe I possessed. I do possess it. You do too. If you think you don’t it’s only because you don’t believe it yet. 

When I encounter a situation in which I feel under-qualified, overwhelmed, fearful, or any other adjective that has me convinced that YOU.CAN’T.DO.THIS I slip into my actor’s persona and let my inner character take over the challenge.

My character is a ballsy badass who faces every new situation with aplomb. I’m pretty sure she’s able to drive a stick-shift and fly a plane, but I can’t take the pretending that far because

A) I have neither a vehicle with a stick-shift, nor an airplane

and B) sometimes one can take pretending past the point of constructiveness and unwittingly fall into an abyss of chaos.

Best not to ask how I learned that one…                         

Slipping into character is an effective way of breaking out of the “I can’t help it- this is just the way I am” trap. You know, the quicksand that pulling you into the belief that just because certain negative traits appear inherent within you (quick temper, bossiness, boastfulness, clinginess, impulsiveness, etc…) you have no control over changing them.

Don’t become paralyzed with this nonsense. You always have the power to change what isn’t serving you! 

The day I realized that while I may be more prone to certain behaviors than others, I absolutely had ultimate control over myself and my actions by simply choosing to take it, was one of the most hopeful moments of my life.

By acting as the person I was taking the actions to become, I became that person.

We change our patterns by changing our thinking. It doesn’t happen overnight or without diligence, but it becomes possible by making the daily decision that it IS possible and patterning yourself in the power of the energy you’re attempting to emit. Neuroplasticity follows attention and you are essentially rewiring your brain to empower your energetic presence.

Since I’m not overly convinced that what we consider reality in this world is actually “real” in the first place (if so, real in what sense of the word?) it’s not a stretch for me to think of life as one big reality TV show or perhaps a video game (Free Guy lover here. Partially for this very reason) and I’m merely a character in it, living through situations intended for my growth. 

I align with the philosophy of  Pierre Teilhard de Chardin “We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” 

So during those times when my spirit seems resistant to the limitations of a physical body having a human experience on this physical plane, I revitalize myself by tuning into my inner character.

She takes life missions in stride whether trivial or paramount, indestructible, knowing with certainty that one way or another she’ll come out on top after each, wiser for the experience.

Since she appears to know much that I don’t, I just roll with it.

And I’m still here, aren’t I?

at least in the sense that “here” is actually somewhere “real” where we can “be” and if so where exactly is it that we ARE? 🤔

But I digress…