Waiting to feel “wanted”?

There was a time I wouldn’t have given a second thought to the lyrics of the song Wanted or other songs of its type. I would have just sung along indiscriminately, buying into the belief that the person these words were written for was indeed very loved and wanted. I would have then went right along with the unconsciously delivered belief that anything less than that wasn’t really love. This then led me to the spot where so many others are right now: operating under the illusion that if you’re not loved in the way we hear about in songs and watch in movies, then you’re missing out on your real love. I’ve got but one word on that: bullshit! Consider it officially called.

The awesome thing about personal revelation is that once you’re shown something and you finally grasp its truth, you will never again perceive it as you once did. That’s also why personal revelation can’t be rushed, nor can it be forced into your beliefs before its intended time. So just because one person has what they consider a brilliant revelation, it’s not necessarily going to mean anything to another person unless it was intended to reveal something to them as well. And even then, odds are that it will not reveal the same thing to them. If there’s a different plan for each of our lives, and we each possess our own unique gifts to bring those plans to fruition, it makes no sense whatsoever that we would all see things the same way at the same time. No sense at all. I have to remind myself of this often given my tendency to have many revelations that I consider to be not only brilliant, but also earth-shattering, only to have others regard them as crazy. It’s all good- I’ve had 53 years to adjust to that… 🙂 So, as always, you’ll take from this what you’re meant to. I want to point out that I’m not slamming the songwriter. My objection is against anything that gets into people’s heads and convinces them they are lesser than. In this case, that thing is the perpetuation of the myth of what love “should” be. We’ve been brainwashed into believing that others are meant to fill parts of us that feel empty. We are taught that “I’d fall apart without you.” is romantic.

Given that, not surprisingly there was a time I would have thought this song was romantic. The lens I see it through now, the one I earned through time, experience, and continued (and continued and continued and continued…) education, disagrees. I don’t find the thought of somebody thinking they would “fall apart without me” romantic. I don’t want them not to know what to do without me and I don’t want them only to make sense to themselves when I’m there to do it for them. And while it’s certainly nice for someone to see my inner beauty and want to hold my hand forever, I can’t afford to buy into the concept that they are going to “make” me feel wanted. Nobody can make you feel anything. If you are new to this truth and find it disappointing and unromantic, I want you to take a moment to look at the positive in the flip-side of that equation: they can’t make you feel worthless. They can’t make you feel stupid. They can’t make you feel guilty. And after real life settles in and they’ve had a rough day at work and they’re not necessarily in the mood to hold your hand forever or talk about your inner beauty, they can’t make you feel unloved. Never. Ever. No matter what they say. No matter what they do. By not giving another person the responsibility of keeping your flame burning brightly, they also won’t wield the power to blow it out.  Now, lest you think I don’t have a romantic bone in my body, think again:

Okay, perhaps AC/DC is not romantic, Per se, but I’m an 80’s girl at heart and while it’s nobody else’s job to make me feel wanted or any other adjective, I will say that somebody showing wholehearted affection for my “American thighs” definitely gets my flame burning a little brighter..

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