What if your no was a yes?


“What you resist, persists.” -Carl Jung

Or as Eckhart Tolle adds to this Jung quote:  “Whatever you fight, you strengthen and what you resist, persists.” Why? Because you are expending energy on whatever it is you are resisting. In fighting it, you are thinking about and considering it, and giving energy to its creation. If thoughts equal energy and energy equals matter, then thoughts become matter. In layman’s terms, if you are resisting a chocolate chip cookie, the energy that you put into fighting the urge for that cookie will almost certainly call that cookie into manifesting itself right in front of you. While it may not drop in out of thin air, I can almost guarantee you that if you are in a resistance state of mind, that chocolate chip cookie will be yours. If not today, sometime in the near future. And the problem will not be that you had a chocolate chip cookie. No, it will not. Food is neither good nor bad in its own state of being, it is simply food. Some food is nutritious, some food is not nutritious and some foods are more nutritious than others, but it is not good or bad. Nor are you, as a person, good or bad or strong or weak for having eaten or not eaten one food or the other. The problem will be your interpretation of why you ate the cookie and will most likely involve the good/bad weak/strong contention that I just made above. This will then manifest itself into negative self-input. That is the problem: self-bashing. Anything that leads to self-bashing is a problem. And resistance is one of those things.

As Dr. Phil says, “You’re going to be part of the solution or part of the problem.” As a person who likes to be a solver, I take that quote very seriously. What is my solution to resistance? Take what you’re saying no to and find a way to say yes. When we do that, we are taking a negative and turning it into a positive. It has been said that a positive thought is hundreds of times more powerful than a negative thought, so let’s have that work in our favor. Let’s start by naming what we think we need to resist. In this case, it’s a chocolate chip cookie. Instead of trying to say NO to the chocolate chip cookie, let’s remember why we are saying no to the chocolate chip cookie. We are saying no to the cookie because we are trying to cut down on sugar with the goal of having a healthier immune system and leaner body. Okay, we have established what we want. Using the Tony Robbins pain/pleasure principle, if you have deemed that the pleasure that the chocolate chip cookie will bring you is greater than the pleasure that the healthier system and leaner body will bring you, then eat the cookie and enjoy it! If you have decided that it is not, then you are now saying “yes” to your ultimate goal instead of “no” to the cookie. Now look for ways to find a happy medium:

  • Will one cookie honestly derail your whole plan, or is there a way you can work them in? If cookies are important to you, realistically include them in your eating plan. One a week? One per day? One per meal? What can you stick to that will help you achieve your goal and maintain satisfaction?
  • Is there a worthwhile substitution for the cookie? What are you craving; the crunch, the chocolate, nuts? Would a handful of chocolate chips and nuts do the trick? Is there a more nutrition-packed cookie you can find that will satisfy and pack a more nutritional punch? Is food what you’re really craving or is it a substitute for a more deeper longing you’ve yet to name?

Not all resistance we find ourselves up against is food related, and when you’re in the midst of it, it can seem as though you can’t find your way out. Let me assure you that you can. Even when you can’t see a way, there IS a way, but sometimes it is not something you can be told by another, only led to from within. In these times, allow yourself to be led and to be shown what your yes is. It’s there. Look for it.

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