A face that “ain’t looking through me”

“For the ones who had a notion, a notion deep inside,
That it ain’t no sin to be glad you’re alive
I wanna find one face that ain’t looking through me
I wanna find one place,
I wanna spit in the face of these… Badlands, you gotta live it everyday…”

The Boss nails it for me with his lyrics pretty much always, but never more so than  Badlands, with his desire to “find one face that ain’t looking through me.” Every time I hear it I feel like shouting “YES YES YES” while simultaneously smacking my hands down on a table in front of me and throwing my head back in a fit of gratification akin to Sally Albright’s deli moment but without the faking. In case you forgot, I’m an actor, not a faker or liar. 🙂 My joy is abundant and real. Me too, Bruce! Me too.

I’m odd. I’ll just put it right out there. If you’ve been reading my posts with any sort of regularity, you’ve probably already picked up on that, but due to my love of laying it all out there on the table, I felt I should voice it so that you would not only know that I’m odd, but know that I know I’m odd. And I do. So there’s that. Being slightly fucked-up is not a liability. In fact, I consider it to be an asset because I am aware of it and therefore able to utilize it by learning about and working on the issues unveiled to me through it. You see, everybody is slightly fucked-up in their own way. The only difference between people who are and who are not fucked-up is that the ones who believe they aren’t are simply not aware of it yet. So while we are all unique individuals, this is something we have in common. In the same way my son’s  autism is considered a “special need” I have come to realize that we are all special needs people. We may not get a diagnosis with a clinical name expressing to the world what our deal is, but trust me- everybody has special needs. Acknowledging, utilizing, and adapting to these needs is part of our life mission. We’ll revisit that in a future post. To get back to my oddity, what does that have to do with anything? Like most things, nothing and everything, depending on how you look at it. In regards to wanting a face that ain’t looking through me it’s just as Bruce sings. I want MORE. Personally, I don’t think that’s odd, but maybe it’s just me. And Bruce, of course.

While it may be enough some days to go about your business, lost in the continuity of the day-to-day, exchanging the light-hearted, predictable banter that we mindlessly offer up to others by way of greeting or conversation, I crave substance. I don’t want to hear about the things you think are acceptable to tell me that make you look good on paper- job, money, etc… – I want to know what makes you tick! I don’t want to watch your eyes travel down my body to take in my clothing and jewelry (or lack of, in my case- jewelry, that is!) in an effort to quietly assess how “successful” I may be. I want you to ask me what I’m working on! I want to go beyond the superficial we-are-humans-and-this-is-what’s-acceptable-to-talk-about topics and shake things up. Who are you? Why do you think you feel like that? What is it that you want? What factors might be preventing you from knowing what you want? I want to dig deeper and see what we unearth. I want to “go there”. You know, there- the places where many people are just too uncomfortable to delve into. I want to get over ourselves and get real. I know I’m not alone in this, so if you’re craving the same type of substance, shake things up the next time you’re around others and try to dig a little deeper. Let your freak flag fly! We may be odd, but apparently Bruce gets it, so he’s odd too. Which actually means we’re all chill. Of course.





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