Sometimes, I feel the fear of
Uncertainty stinging clear
And I, I can’t help but ask myself
How much I’ll let the fear take the wheel and steer… -INCUBUS

I’ve become aware of a pattern in my life.

Every time I’m feeling stalled, stuck, or in any way parked on this journey, it’s a heads up that I’m being rerouted.

Now, you’d think that becoming aware of that would fill me with the confidence of a person willingly directed by the force of divine belief and I’d hit the road of this yet unknown vicinity with the gusto of the adventurous spirit I consider myself to be.

Except I don’t.

I put myself in park.

And at this point in my life, rather than continuing to resist this facet of myself (my logical mind’s attempts at hurrying my spirit to a place it’s not yet ready for) I’m learning to allow it.

I ALLOW MYSELF TO PARK. IN PEACE.

Without self-recrimination or admonishment that I’m becoming lazy, unmotivated, a slacker, etc… or any of the other fears that are, in actuality, nothing more than invisible scripts in my mind created unwittingly by damaged influences in my early life who, themselves in need of healing through their own unrecognized emotional impairments, inadvertently left some negative imprinting.

Imprinting that I’m deconstructing. This takes time.

And space.

It’s all part of a bigger process- one that cannot be hurried.

Throughout this fitBEYONDform journey I’m beginning to learn that sometimes what we each may need even more than “motivational” coaching to begin, continue, and endure- be it a physical workout or life’s many forms of soul workouts, is the encouragement and reassurance that we don’t have to do anything to get it “right”.

We actually don’t have to DO anything at all to earn our right to be here. We were each placed here for reasons that most likely reach beyond a human being’s capacity for understanding.

Grasping that there IS a reason without the need to understand this reason (in short- FAITH) allows you to comprehend that your worth is not tied to your deeds. Knowing you don’t HAVE to do anything drives your inherent desire to do something as you are led to it.

So don’t worry about pulling off the busy road of life and parking yourself because it’s merely a temporary state of being.

You’ll take the wheel and drive once again when you’re called to. And not a moment sooner.

It’s driven me before, and it seems to be the way
That everyone else gets around
But lately, I’m beginning to find that
When I drive myself, my light is found…