Do you remember the moment you first questioned something that you’d never before thought to question? That moment when your certitude shifted from a this is what is because it is and always has been to a query of is it actually? And if it indeed IS, why is that and who decided that was so, and if so WHY? What precipitated this alteration in your thought processing is unique to you, as is the extent to which it affected you. Perhaps you got a gentle nudge from the universe, whispering in your ear to slowly begin to open your eyes. Maybe it was more of a take-you-out-at-the-knees situation, diagnosis, life trauma, etc… that woke you violently, shaking you to your core, leaving behind what felt at the time like a shadow of your former self. You may have been scared. I don’t know who I am and what’s real anymore you may have been thinking. Real? Please- don’t get me started on what’s “real” or we’ll be here all day. 🙂 But I digress… You did not become a shadow of your former self. You merely woke up in the essence of your higher self; your whole self. This self seeks truths that go deeper than the conditionings and beliefs that we have acquired in this realm and create a longing within- illustrated beautifully in the following poem:
The Holy Longing
-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Tell a wise person, or else keep silent, because the mass man will mock it right away. I praise what is truly alive, what longs to be burned to death.
In the calm water of the love-nights, where you were begotten, where you have begotten, a strange feeling comes over you, when you see the silent candle burning.
Now you are no longer caught in the obsession with darkness, and a desire for higher love-making sweeps you upward.
Distance does not make you falter. Now, arriving in magic, flying, and finally, insane for the light, you are the butterfly and you are gone.
And so long as you haven’t experienced this: to die and so to grow, you are only a troubled guest on the dark earth.
In her book Broken Open, Elizabeth Lesser refers to this poem as Goethe’s Chain Letter explaining to her reader that she felt “the poem was like one of those chain letters I used to get in the mail when I was a girl–the kind that ended with dire warnings of what would happen if, on the one hand, you kept the letter or, on the other hand, you mailed it to the wrong sort of person–the sort of person who would not do what it says to do.” She goes on to explain that when we reach a point where we feel a longing to move beyond being a “troubled guest on a dark earth”, it reveals a readiness to take the plunge into what she terms a Phoenix Process. As she eludes to with the chain letter reference, this will only be meaningful to you at a time when/if it is meant to be. If you have reached that place where the longing for something within this lifetime, while seemingly beyond this life, that you can’t even fully put your finger on in terms of words or explanation besieges every facet of your being, you have begun your voyage. Life on this earth as you have formerly known it will never appear the same to you. There will be moments when this actuality brings about exhilaration and others of deep loneliness. Be reminded that it’s all part of the process and you will be given everything you need to make your journey.